A house inspection with the chemical agents

Monday

I am still a renter. At this stage in my life I thought I would have been the proud owner of a small energy efficient home with a glorious garden given over to vegetables, chooks and magical places to explore. This dream is still sleeping.

We recently moved house, and with this had to go through all the sorting, packing and cleaning to move two suburbs up the road.

Our old house was small. It should have been an easy cleaning job as we had only lived there two years. I had only ever used environmentally friendly cleaning products, marvellous micro fibre cloths and grunt but when cleaning this house to the standards expected by real estate agents I knew to put a few toxic chemicals into the mix – oven cleaner and something stronger than vinegar and bicarb!

I would like to think that I am a good cleaner (even if not always obsessively clean!) I used to do it professionally. My university holidays were spent cleaning at a retirement village and houses during term time. I was very good so I looked with a critical eye at our job.

It was sparkling. All the windows, cupboards, skirting boards, sills, blinds, stove, floors, chrome – ahhh, you could use it as a mirror! I couldn’t fault it.

Unfortunately the agents could.

They arrived with a box of baby wipes and proceeded to go around the house and wipe these things on every surface of the 50-year-old house. If the wipe showed up even the slightest hint of colour, it was left there as a talisman for me to return to do a better job.

They used 2 BOXES OF WIPES! The house was littered with the signs of my incompetence and general grottiness!

Upon seeing that the house was not sparkling the head of the Grime Squad enquired as to my cleaning products. “You didn’t use any of those environmentally-friendly cleaning products did you?’

I told her that the family had to evacuate in coughing fits after we sprayed the oven with the oven cleaner. Did she want to test a patch on her arm to see if it was the genuine caustic, environmentally destroying product? No!

I was told I had to clean the house again with bleach, abrasives and chemical warfare. This was no job for technical fibres and tea-tree oil.

We spent the next 5 hours in a fume-induced stupor scrubbing walls, getting every corner of the house so clean that a baby wipe would not pick up any trace of dirt. The oven looked like it had never been used in its life.

Our new house is a friend’s home. We are renting privately. The drawers have a bit of ‘history’ in their corners, the oven has a patina of some lovely meals, and there is a fresh smell of vinegar and a bunch of daisies cut from the garden watered by the grey water system.

I am back in the land of the environmentally friendly cleaning products and far from the chemical agents. I inhale deeply. It feels squeaky clean to me.

Posted By: Going Green at 12.02PM

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Posted 03 Mar 2009 by Emma

I have so been there!And yes,isn't it horrible. I am renting now and already dreading the 'final clean' when we move out. Our rental is carpeted throughout (not through choice). Not sure about your wee one but mine has no trouble walking vegemite, egg and soggy rice bubbles into the carpet. (And that's on a good day). I love fibres and water-based mopping. What a great post!
Posted 04 Jun 2009 by Wendy G

You should have counselled the agent on the wastage brought about by the two boxes of baby wipes (I can't BELIEVE that she did that!) Tell her there's a much more eco-friendly option - the index finger!
Posted 24 Sep 2009 by Shaz

OMG!!! I have a few investment properties and cannot believe they can demand that level of cleanliness. I cannot even get leaving tenants to clean the stove let alone the oven, windows, sills or even the tiled floor properly. Obviously I need to be a lot tougher!